Random Into the Wild Spoof
Rusty: Mouseeeeeeee! Come to papa! Mouse:YOU ARE NOT MY PAPA!! Rusty: Yes I am. AHHHH! RANDOM NOISE! Mouse: lol (runs off) Rusty:(wakes up) DANG! Oh well, that dream randomly makes me want to go to the forest! Smudge: Were ya goin? Rusty:The forest Smudge: BUT YOU'LL MEET WILD CATS AND JOIN THEM AND I WONT SEE YOU UNTILL YOU'RE ON A HUNTING TRIP!!!! D: Rusty: ... wat? Smudge:eh whatever, just go, OR THE ENTIRE STORY WILL BE RUINED! D: Rusty:er, ok (walks into forest) Rusty:oooooohh i see a red tail belonging to something that's probably going to kill me, I'll follow it! (Graypaw appears) Graypaw:RAWR! I AM A FEROCIOUS BEAST! Rusty:AHHHHHHH! Well, RAWR, I AM A HOUSECAT! Graypaw:wanna be friends? Rusty:what just happened? Graypaw:(to director) thats what im supposed to say right? Director:(nods) Graypaw:well thats what im supposed to say. Rusty: ok Graypaw: Its members of my clan HIDE Rusty: wat Graypaw: you say "wat" a lot, anyways JUST HIDE Bluestar:Hi Graypaw! Lionheart: BUSTED! Bluestar: Lionheart! You're supposed to be wise and noble, and that certainly wasn't either. Lionheart: Oh, ahem! Graypaw! What are you doing with that kittypet?! Graypaw: I don't know. Lionheart: (sigh) Bluestar: We need more warriors, so Rusty do you want to join our clan? Rusty: How do you know my name? Bluestar: Dang it Erins! Well anyways, do you? Rusty: Can I decide tomarrow to make it more dramatic? Bluestar: Ok. Lionheart will be by to p... Rusty: Ok BYYYYYEEEE! (runs off) Bluestar:I DIDN'T GET TO FINISH MY SENTENCE!? D: (cries in a corner) tomarrow... Rusty: Smudge I'm joining the wild cats! Smudge: I KNEW IT! I'M SO GLAD I READ INTO THE WILD! Rusty: What's that? Smudge: Its about you. Rusty: ... Smudge: It was written by some housefolk IN THE FUTURE! Rusty: How do you have it then? Smudge: Cause my litterbox is a time machine Rusty: ooooookkkk then i should probably get going now bye Smudge:NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU I WON'T EVEN RECOGNIZE YOU WHEN WE MEET AT FIRST D: Rusty:(sees Lionheart and other cat) Lionheart:Hello this is Whitestew. Whitestew: That's WhiteSTORM, thank you! Lionheart: Sorry I'm just hungry. Whitestorm: Well now I understand why Graypaw's an eating machine, and you are wild, you shouldn't know about stew! Lionheart: Neither should you! Whitestorm: Well neither should you! Lionheart:Well neither should you! Rusty:(sigh, falls asleep) Ten Hours Later... Lionheart:(panting)Well.... neither.... should.... (faints) Whitestorm: (slaps Lionheart) WAKE UP! Lionheart:OWWWWWWEEEE!!!!! $$%&&#%&$! Racerbird:LIONHEART DON'T YOU DARE SAY THAT AGAIN OR I SHALL MAKE YOUY DIE ON THE SPOT! Lionheart: (gasp) Soweee! Rusty:(wakes up) wha? Lionheart:Whitestorm why weren't you tired? Whitestorm: Cause you're like 3000000000000000000000 moons older than me! Lionheart:HEY! Rusty:Can we go now? Lionheart:No Rusty: but whyyyyyyyyyyy Lionheart:cause... Whitestorm:Fine just stay here im binging him Lionheart:Binging him? Whitestorm:ah-pfswergt I meant BRINGING him! Lionheart:oh, ok, wait... Whitestorm:ok Rusty lets go! Lionheart: BUT IM ALL ALONE NOW!!! ;( (at camp) Whitestorm:this is camp Rusty:wow, lots of cats Whitestorm:there's graypaw go say hi Rusty:ok, hi Graypaw Graypaw:His spirit may have left... Director:(whispers)no no no you're supposed to say that after ''Tigerclaw comes in with Redtail! Graypaw:(shouts loudly) CRAP! (cats look at him) Rusty:wat Graypaw:sorry Willowpelt:Graypaw don't say such language! Graypaw:But, MOM! Willowpelt:No buts! Wait, I'm your mom? Graypaw:Yeah, I read it on Warriors Wiki Willowpelt:YOU CAN'T TRUST A FOX-DUNG WIKI! Graypaw:Willowpelt don't say such language! And be Nice! Willowpelt:(facepaw) Graypaw:Anyways, Rusty, I think Bluestar will introduce you to the clan now. Bluestar:I FOUND A KITTYPET! Frostfur:But what about "Let all cats..." Bluestar: SHUT UP WORTHLESS MINION! Frostfur:(cries) Bluestar:Whatever, I FOUND A KITTYPET HIS NAME IS RUSTY AND HES JOINING THE CLAN SO YA! Longtail:How bout no. Rusty:Wat you say? Cats: Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Longtail:Okay (kills Rusty) Director:Longtail you're not supposed to kill him! You're just supposed to attack him! Got it? Longtail:Ooooh yeah, sorry. (revives Rusty) Now, YOU ARE NOT GONNA STAY HERE! (attacks Rusty) Rusty:AHHHHHHHHHHHH Longtail:(rips collar) crud. Rusty: Yay now to rip yo ear off! (rips off ear) Longtail:Owwwwwwweeeee! Owee! Owee! Owee! Spottedleaf: Longtail come here. Longtail:How bout no. Spottedleaf:Please do not say that to me or I will never treat you again. Longtail:well, you won't because Clawface will kill you before you can. (covers mouth) OOPSIES! Everyone else:SPOILERS!!! Director:(sigh) Bluestar:Well he ripped off Longtail's ear and because you are orange you will be Orangepaw! Cats:Orangepaw! Orangepaw! Director(whispers to Bluestar)No! His name isn't Orangepaw! Its... Bluestar:Blah! Blah! Blah! Fine! His name's Rustypaw! Cats:Rustypaw! Rustypaw! Director(whispers to Bluestar)No! His name isn't Rustypaw! Its... Bluestar:Blah! Blah! Blah! Fine! His name's Destinedforgreatnesspaw! Cats: Destinedforgreatnesspaw! Destinedforgreatnesspaw! (Ten hours later) Director:JUST NAME HIM FIREPAW! Bluestar:Why? I thought Supercalifragilisticexpialidociouspaw would have been great! Cats:Supercalifragilisticexpialidociouspaw! Supercalifragilisticexpialidociouspaw! Director:ITS,.... FIREPAW! Bluestar:OK FINE YOU'RE FIREPAW THERE! Cats:Firepaw! Firepaw! Graypaw: Well that's over. Come on! I'll show you the elders den! Just beware of Smallear! His stories are so long! Smallear:Hey there apprentices! I'll tell you a story! Graypaw: (facepaw) Smallear:Well once I was a kit, and I found a beehive... (Ten long hours of talking later) Smallear:and that's how the peanut butter and jelly sandwich was invented! Graypaw and Firepaw:(snoring) Wait what? Oh yeah, fascinating! Smallear:Oh really? I thought it was a boring story honestly! Graypaw and Firepaw: (facepaw) Dappletail:You guts Facepaw a lot! Halftail:Guts!? Dappletail:I SAID GUYS YOU MOUSE-BRAINED TWIG! Smallear:That reminds me of a story... Graypaw:(faints) (Ten MORE HOURS!) Smallear:And thats how the first sheep evolved! Graypaw:(wakes up)Wha? Oh, well we better get going! Right Firepaw? Firepaw:er, yeah! Smallear:Come back soon! Graypaw:Okay! (whispers) Not! (Ravenpaw appears) Ravenpaw:OMG REDTAIL DIEEEED!!! Bluestar:What happened?! Ravenpaw:(facepaw)I JUST SAID! Bluestar:Nononono HOW did it happen? Ravenpaw:WE GOT INTO A FIGHT WITH RIVERCLAN AND OAKHEART PINNED REDTAIL AND THEN, AND THEN (faints) Goldenflower:AHHHH! HE FAINTED! (faints) Cat:AHHH SHE FAINTED! (faints) Whole clan:AHHHH WHY IS EVERYONE FAINTING? (faints) Bluestar:(slaps everyone) GET UP! Cats:But whyyyyyyyyyyyyy? Give me a good reason. Bluestar:Because I said so! Cats:ok. (Tigerclaw walks in) Tigerclaw:Redtail dead. Clan:We know you idiot! Tigerclaw:But me thought it was mouse-brain? Clan:We can say what we want cause its a free clan you know! Bluestar:No its not actually! Clan:awww... Tigerclaw:Well Redtail dead. He die at Sunningrocks. Oakheart kill him. Me kill Oakheart. Clan:(gasp) Director:now Graypaw! Graypaw:Ok. His spirit may have left to join StarClan, but the clan will share tongues with Redtail one last time. Firepaw:I don't get it! Graypaw:(sigh) They'll sit there and lick him and talk to him. Firepaw:Oh, ok. Graypaw: Redtail was Dustpaw's mentor, I wonder who his new one will be! Longtail:Darkstripe! (covers mouth and slaps himself) Clan:SPOILERS AGAIN! Graypaw:I'll show you the apprentices den, where we sleep! Sandpaw:AHH KITTYPET!!!!!!!!!!! (faints from disgust) Whitestorm:Sandpaw! Don't be so dramatic! Sandpaw:B-b-but I-I W-wan-nt t-to! (cries) Whitestorm:(facepaw) Graypaw:Ignore her. Bluestar:Oh worthless minion, please come here RIGHT NOW! (Frostfur mopes over) Bluestar:Worthless minion, get me some fresh-kill NOW! I'm hungry. Frostfur:Yes Bluestar, (sighs) Bluestar:THAT'S WISE AND NOBLE AND KIND AND CARING LEADER TO YOU! Frostfur:Yes Wise and Noble and Kind and Caring Leader. Bluestar:That's better. Wait, I just remembered, REDTAIL DIED!!!! (cries) (Lionheart runs in) Lionheart:BLUESTA! WHITESTEW WEFT ME ALL AWONE! Bluestar:Do I look like I care? And your name is now Mouseheart cause you're always so scared! Mouseheart:(cries) Bluestar:OK FINE YOU'RE LIONHEART. Lionheart:ok thanks. Wait Redtail died? NOOOOO! Oh wait that means I'll be deputy next! Longtail:(slaps Lionheart) Cats:WHAT IS WITH THE SPOILERS? IT WASN'T EVEN LONGTAIL AND THAT'S HIS LIKE ONLY ROLE IN THE STORY! Longtail:HEY! Cats:As well as being Tigerclaw's worthless pet. Longtail:HEY! Cats:And getting creamed by Firepaw. Longtail:HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cats:Yeesh we didn't do anything! Longtail:Oh SURE you didn't! Lionheart:HEY THAT HURT! Longtail:Yeesh I didn't do anything! (at the den) Sandpaw:(destroys Firepaw's nest) Firepaw:MY NEST! (cries) Graypaw:HEY! (mauls Sandpaw) Dustpaw:DON'T MAUL HER! (mauls graypaw) Yellowfang:YAY I LOVE FIGHTS! (mauls Dustpaw) Director:YELLOWFANG! You're not supposed to be in yet! And Dustpaw! You're supposed to be grieving! Yellowfang:(mopes backstage) I never get to have any fun! Dustpaw:I'M BORED! Director:Too bad, go grieve. Dustpaw:FINE! Director:Graypaw and Sandpaw! Cut it out! Graypaw and Sandpaw:(stop mauling each other) FINE! Director:And Sandpaw, put back Firepaw's nest! Sandpaw:UGH! Firepaw:(stops crying) YAY! (does victory dance) Director:Firepaw, stop dancing! It's not natural! Firepaw:Uhhhhhh (looks outside) Tigerclaw:(is break dancing) Director:TIGERCLAW! STOP! Tigerclaw:NO! Director:THEN LEAVE! Tigerclaw:FINE! ME QUIT! (quits) Director:(sigh) We need a new Tigerclaw! Random Cat:Me'll be Tigerclaw! Director:FINE YOU'RE TIGERCLAW NOW! New Tigerclaw:YAY! Director:I need a break from these cats. Director 2, get in there! Director 2:Ok! Tigerclaw:Me Tigerclaw! Me Tigerclaw! Director:Ok, he's perfect. Firepaw:(yawn) I'm ''tired. (falls asleep) Firepaw:(immediately wakes up) HEY! Director:it's morning! Firepaw:But I didn't even get to sleep for 5 seconds! Director:Well we can't just let you sleep for 10 hours, everyone will get bored! Firepaw:Fine. Graypaw: FIREPAAWWWWWWWWW! ITS TIME FOR TRAINING!!! Firepaw: oh ok. *they go out into forest* Tigerclaw: hah u stupid you no can't catch a mouse! Firepaw: I just caught a mouse! Tigerclaw: nuuuuuuu me was wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!1!11!!1!!!! Lionheart: shaddup. *later* Firepaw: lalalalala hunting, hunting, hunting... AHHHHH A HUGE RAT! "Huge Rat": You idiot! I'm not a rat! But I still kill you! Firepaw:nuuuuuuuu! "Huge Rat or not thing": hahahahahahahHAHAHAHAH! Firepaw: I brave! *pokes rat thing* "Rat Thing":nuuuuuuu! *falls over* Firepaw: omg i did it! but now I should feed it! But the Warrior Code... hah! IDC about the code! Me feed the rat! "Rat": thanks, but I'm still not a rat. *Bluestar comes over* Bluestar:*GASP* Firepaw you broke the Warrior Code, now its all over the ground! Firepaw: IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY! D; What do I have to do now? Bluestar: Well you have to clean it up. And take care of the giant rat. "Giant Rat": OMSC I'M NOT A RAT! *at camp* Bluestar: hey Firepaw found a giant rat thing and now he has to take care of it. Spottedleaf: HAH U STUPID THAT'S NOT A RAT ITS YELLOWFANG! I... mean, I don't think that's a rat. Bluestar: U DEFY ME? EXECUTE HER! Spottedleaf: nuuuuuu! Longtail: Wait! She doesn't die til- *is jumped on by a bunch of cats* Bluestar: NOT AGAIN! SPOILERS! Spottedleaf: *seizes the chance and flees* Firepaw: Well... that happened. Bluestar: Oh by the way I'll be Firepaw's mentor. Graypaw: OMSC THAT'S SO COOL! Tigerclaw: Hah but you hav to take care of Yellowfang befor you train! Firepaw: WHYYYYYYYYY! Tigerclaw: Cause... Cause me said so! Firepaw: Oh ok. Bluestar: Time for Gathering! Firepaw: But you said... Bluestar: I SAID TIME FOR GATHERING! Firepaw:Ok... (at the Gathering) Brokenstar: Guys I drove out a bad cat cuz it bad. I'm not gonna tell you who it is but it's Yellowfang. Also WindClan is gone cause we need their food. And RiverClan is giving us territory! Cats: (gasp) Tigerclaw: How dare you! Brokenstar: SHADDAP! Tigerclaw: Ok........ Cats: (yowl in outrage) Brokenstar: ok bai. (leaves) (back at camp) Tigerclaw: OMSC IT'S THE RAT! KILL IT! Yellowfang: AHHHHHHH! Bluestar: BAD TIGERCLAW! BAD! Tigerclaw: nuuuu! Me is bad!!!!!!!1!!!!111!1 Lionheart: Tigerclaw, be a good Tigerclaw. Longtail: But he's not suppo- you know what? I'm just gonna go now.... Bluestar: Yellowfang done nothing! Tigerclaw: How do you kn- Bluestar: I SAID YELLOWFANG DONE NOTHING! Tigerclaw: AHHHHH! Bluestar: Brokenstar cannot be trusted, SO I'M GOING TO THE MOONSTONE! Lionheart: Cool, can I come? Bluestar: NO! Lionheart: But... Bluestar: Destinedforgreatnesspaw, Thefunnycatpaw, and Scaredypaw are going. Director: OMG didn't we go over this already??? Bluestar: Oh yeah.. Firepaw, Graypaw, and Ravenpaw are coming. Tigerclaw: Can me come too??/ Bluestar: FINE! Sandpaw and Dustpaw: But what about us? Bluestar: NO! YOU'RE NOT IMPORTANT ENOUGH! Sandpaw and Dustpaw: :( (at Mouthermouth) Firepaw: IS SO COOL! (inside) Firepaw: IS SO NOT COOL! (at Moonstone) Firepaw: IS SO BETTER THAN COOL! Tigerclaw: AHH TOO SCARY! (runs away) Bluestar: HAHAHAHAHA! *ahem* Now it touch it and go to sleep. (falls asleep) (five minutes later) Bluestar:(wakes up) OMSC THE CAMP IS BEING ATTACKED WE NEED TO GO BACK! Firepaw: We have to go ALL THE WAY BACK already? Bluestar: yes. Firepaw: nuuuuuuu! Category:Racer's Spoofs